I started a new blog post a while ago.....but my mind has turned to other musings as of late. It is a whole new year ahead of us. Wow. What to do? A new perspective has been surfacing within me for quite some time. Perculating. Bubbling to the surface. I feel different. I AM different than I was a whole year ago. I can say for certain that I am really liking the direction I am headed in my life. I have a healthy relationship with food, I respect my body for what it can do and not so much how it looks and I feel comfortable with me. Beautiful glorious me. A year ago I was just starting my full time teaching gig. Now I am officially back in school working towards a gig as an ultrasound technologist. According to my school plan, I will be applying to the full time 2 year program as of this time next year. It is very interesting being where I am in life right now. This time last year I wanted nothing to do with the hospital other than repaying my 401K loan I took to pay for about 1/3 of training. And now, I am not wanting to teach full time anymore and am looking for where I fit in the healthcare work force. This is something I never ever ever expected to be going through.
During training I remember a lot of visiting teachers telling us to not have any expectations about teaching or what this teaching journey will bring you when you are done with training. Boy were they right. So what happened? Why such a dramatic shift in focus and wants? It is a multifaceted answer for sure, which I think I have listed in other entries, but nonetheless....here are the reasons.... Teaching is the absolute BEST gift in the whole wide world.....but it sure don't pay the bills. It is hard on your body and mind to be in the hot room so much. At training, you partake in practicing daily doubles. That is nothing compared to how much you are in the hot room if you teach full time, not to mention managing your own practice. YOUR OWN PRACTICE. I think that is what I miss most about teaching. I miss my practice. I miss my time in the hot room. For me, it has been super challenging to get in the hot room more than twice a week. I want my practice back more than anything else. I feel like I am giving giving giving and then have no energy left for me. And teaching less most certainly doesn't help pay the bills. I am also tired of living hand to mouth. It is very very hard to save money. It is also equally as hard to not have health insurance, sick time or vacation pay. Long story short, I have come to realize that the amount of time I spend working full time at the hospital is worth the compensation they provide. But I don't want to be a disposable secretary for the rest of my working life, so US tech won out because I love anatomy and science. I think for me it would be a good fit. At the end of it all I will have a nice liveable career and I will still be able to practice and teach when I can. A good balance. It is all about balance in life and in our practices. After all, Bikram says too good is no good.
Yesterday I got canceled from the hospital and thus found myself able to practice. One more class for 2012. It was great. Got to sweat it out at the studio that is closer to our new place. Nina was teaching and she gently reminded us to practice with a beginners mind. It is always a new experience when you are in the hot room. You have a new body a new mind. Having a beginners mind means that you are more open and aware of new things. There are no limits with the beginners mind because everything is new. This for me is so important to remember right now because I have been precticing with an injury for about 2 months now. I got hit by a car while riding my bike home from the studio a couple months ago. Everything felt fine that night but certainly not the next day. My lower back has been fucked up with a capital F ever since. All forward bending is torturous. This injury is maddening. I feel like set back in my practice. My hamstrings are super tight again and cry me a river right. It has truly given me perspective for students who deal with chronic pain or years old injuries that have never gotten to heal. It is slowly but surely getting better. Every time I practice I get a tiny bit more range of motion back in my low spine/sacral area. So there is still hope. This injury has also really helped strengthen my mind body connection. I have to be super aware and supportive of my back with my muscles. Your muscles help protect your joints and help them move properly and so it is super important to use your muscles to move and not your joints. I go slow. I pace myself. I have to. I have to be nice to my injured spine to help it heal properly. Rushing and doing more than I can at the moment will just set the stage for more injury and pain. So for all those out there practicing with chronic pain and/or old injuries, I feel ya. I totally get the pain and lack of range of motion. I completely understand why people do not like rabbit.
I hope that you all get to welcome this new year with a beginners mind. Possibilities are endless. You have the strength, control and dedication to live life the way you want. To the utmost fullest of your heart. Keep practicing. Keep exploring your heart and your dreams. Without those life feels pretty stagnant. Here's to another year!